Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
