I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
