Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
