And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
