I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize