you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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