Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
