OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Text me some of your sweat
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