My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
even my farts smell like vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
