Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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