i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
