Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
