just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
