chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
