For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
