He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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