I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
