4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
