Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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