They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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