So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
