I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
