I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
