I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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