Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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