She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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