we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
