we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
