i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
