atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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