Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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