I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dicks are not precious.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize