I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
