If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
50% drunk capacity currently
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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