I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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