Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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