I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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