Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
