Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
