The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
