the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
