Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
