turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
