She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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