You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
