fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
