four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
