I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize