I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
