I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
