after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We got so high we made milksteak
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
