6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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