Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
