1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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