I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
