I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
