I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Randomize
