The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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