Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
