Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
