non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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