apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
