Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
zippers are such a cool invention
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
