I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
