She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
