ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
