It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize