why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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