the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
