Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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