community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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