Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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