You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
