god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
