you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm too high and old for this...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
